Now that I'm 34, I feel that I can dispense some wisdom that I have gained in my life that, if all goes normally, is about a third of the way lived.
1) Real New Yorkers Live Uptown
If you grew up in the city, which I did for the most part, you know that uptown is really where living in Manhattan is at. I can't remember who, but I was talking with someone about the upper east side the other day and he jokingly said that it was "like the suburbs." Yet in my opinion, it has maintained its authenticity over the last few decades, which can't be said of the general downtown area. The upper east side has remained true to its identity, while the downtown neighborhoods have gentrified, keeping a slight veneer of grit as a quaint reminder of yesteryear. It has become much more expensive to live in said slight veneer of grit, while the upper east side is now "a deal." I was born in Manhattan and my first years were spent on MacDougal street when things were still a little shady and mafioso-ish. So... just so you know, I have village cred. But whenever I'm down there now it doesn't feel like a neighborhood to me. It's a lot of fun and I like to go out there in the evening or for brunch (gentrification certainly has its positives, like brunch), but at the end of the day, I just wanna go home, where the people aren't tourists, Central Park is next door, the grocery stores are owned by Eli and there's ample room on the sidewalk. Call me old fashioned. The upper east side is the original gentrified neighborhood, the OG, it has never pretended to be anything else, it's not cool even if it is home to some of Manhattan's best landmarks, that's why I like it and that's why I think it deserves more respect. Then again, if respect drives up the prices, maybe it's better for the folks who don't like to venture "above 14th street" to continue nay-saying.
2) Paul Simon is a genius
I've always felt that of all genre of songs, love songs are the most difficult to write well. I have never been capable myself. It takes a special kind of sensibility. These are high risk, high reward songs. When written well, they can change your frame of mind completely, when written poorly, they suck more than an average non-love song. I was listening to Kathy's Song by Paul Simon just now and I must give it a shout out as one of the most beautiful love songs ever written. Like, during those 3 minutes, I wanna change my name to Kathy, and I don't even like that name.
My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.
And a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.
And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I.
3) Getting old, I mean really old, sucks
As I see my aging grandmother, who is more independent than most, and old people around my neighborhood, the understanding that becoming old is just a terrible thing has become very palatable to me. Our current civilization completely mishandles old age and death and it's scary to see, because one day, if all goes ok, I too will be old. And it will totally suck. Death itself is not a bad thing, it's the loss of one's faculties and the slow return back into childhood, the dependence on others after living a very independent life that is horrible.
4) Human beings spend a lot of time on things that don't matter to distract themselves from the things that matter but are harder to solve
Like "legitimate rape" versus "over-population."
5) Documentaries are the new news, news is the new entertainment, entertainment is the new porn, porn is all sorts of deviant
6) It just feels like our civilization is on steroids
I'm old enough to look back with nostalgia at the time when life was a little slower and the world a little less crowded. Nowadays, it seems everything is going the way of doping athletes: crazy records are getting broken thanks to evolving sport "technologies," competition among regular people trying to get ahead is fiercer, traffic is heavier, air travel more delayed, old people getting older, people knowing where their most distant acquaintances are 24/7. It's effing crazy. I want a time out.
1) Yay Facebook!
There are things I've learned on facebook that I just could not have learned anywhere else. For instance, airport acronyms. There are just so many airports out there, who knew?
LAX --> EWR!
JFK --> SFO!
LGA --> DEN--> ASE (that's Aspen)!
DEN --> CDG --> FRA (that's Frankfurt, not France)!
BOS --> ACK (that's Nantucket)
And my favorite: CDG --> DOH (Qatar, who knew!) --> DXB (Dubai)!
Facebook. Stalk Your Friends, Find Your Airport.
2) Paul Ryan as VP Candidate
I don't know a lot about Paul Ryan. Gawker does a nice job summing up his many faults. But at the end of the day, does it really matter who becomes VP? I mean, is Joe Biden any closer to becoming president in four years? 'Cept if the president dies? What do you know about Joe Biden? Like, nothing? Being VP is the worst job for anyone with ambition. And then you get pegged into that second best role and no one takes you seriously. I mean, it's just the worst. Poor Paul Ryan.
3) Rich Kids of Instagram
A friend of mine told me that this link was circulating around his department at work a few weeks ago. I can see why. Who doesn't want to view photos of kids abusing their parents' wealth? (note: they can never be truly happy). Now, I ain't saying I haven't had some fun at Nikki Beach or hung out on a yacht once or twice, but taking a picture of 10,000 Euro receipt and being proud of the fact that you just got ripped off at a club doesn't strike me as something you'd actually want to like, share with the world. Whenever I overpay for something, I get embarrassed and do my best to cover it up. Like, shh... you know, I paid 2 'cough' hundred dollars for that. Yeah, you heard me, just 2 bucks! I've got ill negotiating skillz y'all. The other thing is, their parents must be so proud.
Facebook has succeeded in its goal of making me hate anyone who was on vacation in July and boasted about it (under the guise of just wanting to share! And to keep me updated!). If you were on vacation and posted a picture about it, then I probably viewed it disgruntled and swearing, because I was stuck in New York indoors in the air conditioning, and on occasion, Brighton or Long Beach with thousands of others. Facebook: 1, Diane: 0. I acknowledge that I've posted photos in nice places and I apologize to you, because I didn't realize how annoying that must have been. That said, I will probably continue doing so because Facebook does a nice job editing down my photos and making me pick the best ones that are worth annoyingly sharing. I don't usually feel this way about posters of pictures, but July was a particularly oppressive month.
Now, If you were doing other things in July like giving birth or going to Rockaway beach, then you're all right with me.
I recognize that this is all my doing. Could I have planned a vacation for July? Probably. Did I realize that actually, July was the best time for me to plan a vacation? Late, but yes. Do I now find myself in a situation that vacation will be hard for me to take in the coming months due to my schedule? Yes. But take vacation I will, dammit. I will find a way to use those precious few days so generously allocated to me even if it means going to a place because it's convenient. My dream, which came to me late in a bout of inspiration, is to go to New Foundland. Visit Gros Morne national park, hike and boat ride, then go see where the vikings landed at L'Anse aux Meadows and finally stop in at St. Johns, the capital. For reasons that are out of my control, I'm not going. But I will one day, possibly next year, and probably in July.
This is what I'll be missing:
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| Gros Morne National Park |
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| Gros Morne National Park |
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| St. Johns |
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| L'Aunse aux Meadows |
Instead, I am taking a shorter vacation in October on the island of Nevis (recommended by a friend who knows these things). It's a lot shorter than I was hoping, but that's ok. I will make sure to take plenty of mysterious, cool pictures and post them on Facebook so I can share and just keep you updated.
