On Glenn Close and Meryl Streep

I always thought of Glenn Close as the poor man's Meryl Streep. Not because I don't think Close is awesome, but for how she seems to be perceived by the masses. She and Streep seem to have a similar amount of acting cred, but Streep wins out by a long shot because, well why?

- Let's start with the fact that Streep is a little prettier than Close, and she appears more approachable and friendlier.

I guess we can end there, really, for this digression.

Freud once said "anatomy is destiny." He meant that to cover gender only. It was also quite contested. That said, if by anatomy you mean all physical traits (looks, weight, deformities, health, etc.),  that's a concept I could defend. If you look around at the people who surround you, do they all seem to be in some kind of role that suits them, physically speaking? And do their personalities fit their looks? Yes, for the most part. If someone has health problems, or a deformity and they seem to be beating the odds with an amazingly happy personality, i.e. people who refuse to let their problem define them, that still means that their physical issue is shaping their personalities. Of course there are many exceptions, there's also intelligence (oh, intelligence, so overrated), and environment and circumstance, but because I am someone who believes that who we become as people is mainly a result of our brain chemistry and physiology, it's an idea I tend to stand behind. I'm a lot of nature, less so nurture. 

Back to Streep and Close.

- No one does a better foreign accent than Meryl. 

- But no one does manipulative better than Glenn Close, and I'm not just saying that just because I finished watching Damages the other day. Great show, a few issues with it, but none with Close.

But Glenn Close has never won an Oscar and Streep has won tons. WTF, Academy? (btw, the Iron Lady, great performance, not so great film). If you recall Close's performance as the conniving Marquise de Merteuil in one of my favorites "Les Liaisons Dangereuses" for which she was nominated but didn't win, then you'd know she was robbed.

People think Glenn Close is amazing and she's been nominated a bunch of times. But they think Streep is Ah-May-Zing, and that might be the issue here. Close deserves an Oscar, but she and Streep are always lumped in the same category, they even confuse the two at times because they sort of look alike, plus they're about the same age. So if Streep won, they'd just as well assumed that Close has won at some point or another. But she hasn't. And that's messed up.

So to conclude one of the more non-sensical whims I've written here, I'd just like to thank the Academy for hearing me out on this. Glenn Close might be a little more angular and mean looking than Streep, but she is a formidable actress who deserves your recognition.

Meanwhile... People reading this are saying, Diane, I think Glenn Close is doing just fine.

Here is my .02

I know there are a lot out there, but here are some of my observations from the last few days post- Sandy Hook tragedy. 

1) It feels like this one is a tipping point for some kind of change. 

2) People actually started caring about gun control -- my own awakening happened after the Aurora shooting. The cumulative effect of all these tragic shootings finally got to me. And then it got me "critically thinking" for myself and trying to understand the purpose behind the second amendment. 

3) Yes, we all know guns are not the only problem, but it's probably the biggest. At the same time, gun advocates are blaming the fact that there just aren't enough guns in America, that we need to teach people self defense and give those people guns and beef up security, like, everywhere. Yes, let's just go down that slippery slope, shall we? I've already argued that deterrence is not necessarily realistic in this case, nor do I believe it will be effective. Others are blaming a loss of family values, media and violence in entertainment. And finally, the people in the middle are blaming mental illness. All these are true. The issue, in my humble opinion, is that these these things are very hard to change. Family values declining... that was a big systemic change that occurred over the last 50 years, what makes us think we can get those particular values back up to pre 1950s levels? We have removed many of the pressures of societal norms such as marriage and having children which is, in my opinion, a good thing, but a long term side effect is a certain loss of respect for family and community as well as an increase in individualistic behavior.  Mental health. I totally agree with this. I think psychiatrists provide an invaluable service and medication actually does work, but see how hard it is to change health care in this country? Good luck with that one. It's something that needs to be addressed, but will likely not see immediate results. Violence in media and entertainment. Art imitates life or life imitates art? I don't know, but I don't think curtailing our 1st amendment rights as a trade off to maintain our 2nd amendment rights is the way to go. 

3) Haters gonna hate and there's nothing I can do about it. Since I was personally attacked on Facebook, called a hormonal, fanatical and narrow minded psychopath, AFTER being called a "simpleton" and having my opinions mocked (but not actually heard. I swear I can't make this shit up), I had to remind myself that there are many people out there whose main goal is to provoke a fight and not care about the outcome. Their aim is to be the smartest person in the room, but ironically, they are the least. Discussions with these kinds of people leave you feeling empty and unproductive. I don't claim to know all the facts, but I do know that there needs to be a bipartisan discussion about firearms in this country. I care about the success of this country, I don't care which side advances the best plan, I just want it to be the best plan possible; and the only way we will know if better gun control is actually going to help curb the issue of gun violence is by *trying it* on a national level. "National" being the operative word here.

4) Actually, screw discussion. I've also realized that logic, common sense and rationality don't actually convince anyone because most people are entrenched in their own opinions and belief systems. But, as my friend Bashir noted, social pressure does. If any change is actually going to happen, it's gonna have to be forced upon us (remember the abolition of slavery and gay rights legislation? Half the country was against those things too).

5) My good friend Bashir and I talk quite a bit about all this stuff. He is a brilliant lawyer who speaks better than me. He pointed out that there are actually probably more convincing arguments against gun control that never occur in discussions because we always get stuck with the dumb ones. (Though I should note that he is pro regulation):

For the past couple of days, I've watched the horrendous argument made over and over: "You can kill someone with a paperclip. What are we gonna do, ban paperclips!?!?!?" 

As explained by Alexander (years ago), this is a miserably poor argument. Guns are a technology for making killing easier. If the host of only-potentially-fatal everyday objects weren't less effective at killing, we would arm our soldiers and police officers with them. We could save an enormous amount on our war efforts if we just gave our soldiers kitchen knives which these people keep claiming are "just as bad." Nor do we regulate in such embarrassingly black and white terms. "Irresponsible drivers can cause fatal accidents at any speed. Therefore, we should have no speed limit at all." Bad argument is bad.

Endorphines + Altitude = Happy People

1) I spent a few days in Aspen this past week, my second time there, and enjoyed it immensely. I especially like that both times I went, there were no tourists, only locals and "semi retired rich people." Everyone is friendly because everyone is happy and grateful to be living there. As a result, when you ask someone a question, even the most nebulous one, they get totally engaged in a conversation with you and it's genuine, which is a breath of fresh air, both literally and figuratively. Being around happy people has a positive effect on me, kind of like playing tennis with a better tennis player. Both times I left to come back to NY, I felt quite sad, and New York underwhelmed me upon my return. Maybe I'm going to become one of those people who tries my whole life to leave NY only to get sucked back in, like Carlito Brigante in Carlito's Way getting pulled back into a life of crime despite his best efforts to get out. (With a name like Brigante, how can you not be a gangster?)

I don't invite this shit, it just comes to me. I run, it runs after me. Gotta be somewhere to hide. 

Yeah, that's me.

2) Flight attendants hate their jobs unless they work on the Aspen - Denver line. 
The difference in attitude between the flight attendents on the 29 minute Aspen - Denver flight and the Denver - LGA flight was pretty astounding. The Aspen - Denver people are really nice. The United Airlines Denver - LGA flight attendants hate us. Granted, they have a thankless job, but since I was in the very back row of what seemed like a crowded plane, I was privy to some of their complaints about passengers. One of them being "can you believe these passengers with all their bags? I swear, we're not even CLOSE to being full" (after saying over the loud speaker that it was a full flight). I too get personally annoyed with the "carry on" that's not really a "carry on." Some people will do anything not to check their bag, and even more so to avoid paying the 25 bucks to check a bag, then proceed unapologetically to clog all the overhead compartments. It's annoying as all hell. But still, it leaves a bad taste in one's mouth to hear attendants complain about the cattle that are their passengers, and then go on to say "at least it's the last leg of the flight, only a few more hours to go." Glad you're here at our service n' stuff. Our safety really is your #1 priority.

PS: have you noticed that the smallest, dinkiest airports take their security job EXTREMELY seriously? You ain't sliding any liquids or gels passed these people. Ever.

3) I don't want to hear about the possibility of a "water landing" ever again.
If a "water landing" is about to occur, then we're pretty much all dead, end of story. I can count on one hand the number of successful commercial plane water landings -- actually, one, Captain Scully's miraculous Hudson River water landing. And that was called a miracle for a reason. Everything needed to fall into place, most importantly, having the right man for the job. Nowadays, commercial airline pilots are not even obligated to be trained for water landings. But there they are, giving us safety instructions and nonchalantly saying "in the unlikely event of a water landing, your life vest is under your seat and your seat cushion acts as a floating device." What they don't tell you is that the likelier scenario is that we nose dive into the water, thus rendering that kind of "water landing" virtually impossible. Thank you for that reassuring demonstration, I'll be needing it at the bottom of the ocean.

And finally, I'd like to thank the Academy for these amazing birthday wishes

Much of my ramblings have been observations of social media behavior. It's a new world, rife with opportunity for humorous commentary. With social media, anyone who wants to can become a "celebrity." A misguided one perhaps, but nevertheless, there is a captive audience in social media land, and people like to take advantage of that (myself included). And when the ol' birthday comes around, you are a celebrity who just won an Oscar. Now, me myself, I've removed birthday information from my profile because I want to avoid birthday wall at all costs -- as well as being the butt of my own joke -- but I still partake in the posting of happy birthdays for other people at times. It takes little brain function and two seconds of my time, but man, the ripple effects from dozens of happy birthdays on someone's wall can really be something else. The day after is what I fondly call: the Birthday Oscar Speech. And it goes a little something like this:

I'd like to thank my fans-- I mean fellow Facebookers for their support and love and all the birthday "wishes." You like me! Right now, you really like me! I'd like to thank Mark Zuckerberg for creating the tool that enables the birthday wishing. (holds out Oscar pointing over to Zuck in spirit and puts hand on heart). Without Zuck, we would NEVER remember each other's birthdays and we could never get the outpouring of birthday wishing we see today. Facebook truly is a game changer in birthday wishing technology. Before you, Zuck, maybe five to ten people would call, email or text me for my birthday, meaning, only the people who actually gave a shit about me. Not so today. There is no deprivation of birthday specialness for me on this holiest of days. And finally, I'd like to thank Mom and Dad for conceiving and raising me. I would never have made it without you guys. Literally. 

On Stuff

As time goes by, I am getting more depressed by rampant consumerism. Not to sound cliche, or communist, it's just that my whole being feels completely saturated with "stuff," there's no more room for me to care about the stuff that's getting sold in the world (that is, the American world). I know that someone somewhere is buying this... stuff, and I understand that in order to have a healthy economy, people need to buy shit. I get that, but there is so much useless crap that gets marketed and sold in America, that I just can't be alone in feeling this way -- because let's face it, I'm not that special. Maybe we can just make a friendly, non dictatorial decision that your products and services should be truly useful to society. In my view, there are two layers of products and services that we truly need. The ones that are necessary for our primary needs, and the ones that are society game changers. I also include anything artistic THAT's GOOD (NOT CRAPPY ART) because I'm of the mind that art is of true value to society. The first layer seems pretty obvious. The second layer is a little more gray. But I would say that the following inventions qualify as game changers: commercial banks, aviation, home appliances, the telephone, the computer, the internet, the cellphone, the iPhone and the iPad... and that's about it for now. Everything in between, the knick knacks, the patty whacks, the thingamabobs, the whozits and whatsits galore, let's just do away with those.   

A Celebration of Britain

For the past couple months, I've been engaged in a number of British television programs and films that have heightened my appreciation for the place and the people. In fact, the cumulative effect of watching such programs has been that of minor fascination. I think fascination occurs when you learn as much as you can about something (a lifestyle, a country, a movement, a part of history for example) or someone (someone you might admire greatly, not necessarily a celebrity), but you will never be truly part of that "thing" or person. You can get as close as you possibly can without being able to grasp it. Fascination cannot occur without an insurmontable obstacle. For instance, I have encountered many Francophiles in my life; people who aren't French but love everything about France and its culture. And they can only be that way because they aren't French. But I have more intimate knowledge of the place. It is part of who I am even though I don't live there anymore or go back very often, and so I see its qualities but I also see its faults and this balances my point of view and tempers my opinion. And because I'm inherently part of France, by blood and culture, there is no insurmontable mystery to me. 

So here is a list of awesome British shit that I've seen as of late. 

1) House of Cards

 I've mentioned this before. Fictional British series that chronicles the brilliantly Machiavellian power plays of of Sir Francis Urquart (F.U. for short) in the British parliament. One of the best shows I've seen on television. 

2) Prime Suspect

A British television series centered around Helen Mirren, a police detective who solves murders in a very male dominated environment. It's a little like a Law & Order type except each episode is 2 hours and it stars Helen Mirren who is the bomb. I'd say more Homeland than Law & Order. 

3) 24 Hour Party People

About the music scene in Manchester in the early 80s to early 90s. Tony Wilson, the British TV host, is at the center of the film and narrates how Joy Division, New Order and Happy Mondays got their start through his Factory Records "experiment". Also, the start of rave culture. He's an upper middle classer who loves Manchester, which is one of his biggest motivators. I mean, who knew you could love that dreary old place so much?

4) The Filth & The Fury

A Documentary about the rise and fall of the Sex Pistols as told by its surviving members. Johnny Rotten is a visionary and the soul of that band.

What all these shows have in common is a deep love that flows for Britain despite its rain and fog and class wars and, actually, probably because of all these things. God Save the Queen (she ain't no human being). The relationship the English have with their beloved country can be summed up in that simple yet complex lyric, in my opinion. 

In Memoriam

When it comes to the death of a friend, I am no more stoic than anyone else. In the past two months, two friends have died. One was a very close family friend I had seen a week earlier, and the other one, my age, I hadn't seen in years. In fact, the last time I saw him was at his wedding. But I do recall it as one of the best weddings I've been to. And I'm not just saying that because of the circumstances. 

I am so very sad for both of these losses because they were genuinely great people. But more than that, they were the best of people. And what I've noticed is that untimely death seems to happen most often to those best of people for some reason, those who don't seem to live with much fear but embrace life, those we admire the most of all. Those who really show up. We see them as leaders or patriarchs or matriarchs, people we can't imagine life without that when they do exit the world, as quickly as they were willing to show up fot it, they leave behind a huge void and the sole question Why? I wonder why that is. But I do remember a conversation I had with my mom regarding my paternal grandmother and the fact that she was probably going to outlive us all. She said "la mechancete, ca preserve." In other words, meanness preserves you (it sounds so much better and more poetic in French. My mom is writer, she has a knack for coming up with ready-made proverbs). And that struck me as very true because my ninety something year old grandmother lives in such fear of death that she will probably live until past 100. This is not meant as a condemnation of my grandmother, but just a simple observation about the irony of life and death, and if I were a more religious person, I'd think it was all by design.

Rest In Peace.

Some Updates

1) All this political talk is giving me a headache. It's true what a friend of mine said the other night, people who post on Facebook trying to convince other people to "see the light and join their side" are total idiots because it goes against basic human nature to just concede to other people's opinions. On the contrary, those posted to will go out of their way to look for opposing arguments. Unless you have the title of "expert", you've written an extensive political analysis on something that was well researched or you've actually worked in politics, no one is going to listen to or care about your fake-ass punditry. I'll admit that sometimes I can't help but respond to people's idiocies, but I know it will fall on deaf ears. The problem with Facebook and Twitter is that they've given people the impression that they actually have an audience. But they don't... really. True audiences need to be earned and built up the hard way and should comprise of more than just your friends and acquaintances (who will humor you if you're lucky). The other side of that debate is that this is the point of social media, that it has allowed people to express their views and generally "share" with others, and I don't have a counter-argument to that (except that some people are dumber than others and some information is more shareable than other). I mean, yeah, that's what social media has done and by having a blog and posting statuses on Facebook, I am subjecting myself to my own criticism. But I know that I have few readers and I don't really care about gaining more. Part of the reason for this blog is purely a writing exercise, to keep my brain sharp as I get older. No, seriously, it is. And it's a lot of fun to go back and look at some of the funny things and idiocies I've written.

2) I'd like to revise my previous statement regarding my imminent demise should I manage to survive an apocalyptic event based on my recent "Sandy" storm experience, in other words, I didn't feel a thing. First of all, I'll probably survive because I live on the upper east side of Manhattan, Michael Bloomberg's neighborhood, geographically one of the wider hoods in the borough, halfway between the East River and Central Park and on the 15th floor. Second, I'd say I have a small edge over people who live downtown, Staten Island, the Rockaways, the burbs or New Jersey when the post-apocalypse period comes. I'm assuming my headstart will be erased at some point, when gangs start to form and invade my building, but there will be lots of chaos in the beginning so just maybe I can organize myself and make it. Better start making some friends now.*

3) There seems to be an inability for many people to accept the existence of a "gray area" in most facets in life. I don't know if this has a direct correlation with a lack of empathy, or the inability to grasp nuance, but I've noticed in the press, in social media and online that the views expressed are always pretty extreme, one way or the other. Perhaps it's because extreme people are the ones making their voices heard and the news only makes money when the story is sensationalized. Obviously, the most recent example is the election, but I've also noticed this with other big news stories. The vilification of human beings is incredible. I'm not saying that some don't deserve it (Sandusky, perhaps), but for the most part, I do try to see different aspects of a story and understand where the villain is coming from and what their psychological and physiological state is before I come down hard on anyone. After all, we know that the press has a tendency to misquote, over-simplify and pull things way out of context. With that said, for some reason, I can't seem to exercise a shred of empathy when it comes to Lance Armstrong. I have no sympathy for the guy, even though I know that part of him used his evil for good purposes. Even that is shady in my opinion. Have you ever heard of the pedophile strategy of ingratiating yourself with a community in order to mask your true intentions (i.e. Sandusky), well, this is also the case with some serial killers and other evil doers (e.g. Bernie Madoff). Therefore, it can really be applied to many instances of wrong doing (in other words, Lance Armstrong). I guess it started with me not liking him in the first place. He's just such a douche in general, I always had a bad feeling about him. Then, when I read the Floyd Landis interview a while back in which he heavily implicated Lance Armstrong in the doping scandal (riveting stuff by the way), I couldn't help but believe Landis. Perhaps his credibility had been undermined, but the way he was talking just sounded like the truth (my gut feeling). This was a guy who had nothing left to lose. Now that it's out in the open and Armstrong's seven titles are being revoked, I don't feel a bit sorry for him, which is very strange for me. 

* This does not really apply in the event of a nuclear wipe-out

On Elevators

By now, much has been written about the awkwardness of elevators. Elevator talk is a product of our modern era and unless you're a master politician, it is often contrived if you're in there with mere acquaintances. But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the politics of holding the elevator for someone trying to squeeze in at the last minute.

There are those that go out of their way to hold the door for people, and risk their lives doing so. 
When I'm on an elevator full of people and the doors are closing and some idiot decides to hold the door for someone who is trying to make the elevator last minute, well, I curse him or her heavily under my breath. Because that person is holding up a cart full of people, already sweating and feeling awkward from invaded personal space and probably already late for a meeting. Why would you willingly piss off a whole bunch of people for one stupid stranger you might not ever see again? Well, Diane, you might say, this is America, and in America we lend a helping hand to our neighbors. Well, I reply, not only are you inconveniencing a group of people, you are also endangering yourself by sticking your body part out the door. LET THE DOORS CLOSE GODDAMIT. Elevators are not meant to be messed around with, people have died in elevator accidents and I'm not dying because you want to prove to society that you're a gentleman (or woman). Feel free to do that on your own time. 


In fact there are two sorts of elevator riders, the ones who keep doors open and the ones who either close them or let nature take it's course. I am the latter. But you should understand that I truly believe it's better for the elevator riding population in the long run. It's kind of a belief system akin to being a Republican or a Democrat. When it comes to elevator politics, I'm a Republican. 

I've definitely done this.

You should also know that I'm no hypocrite. I do not expect anyone to hold up a crowded elevator for me, in fact, I avoid this at all costs. Because it's such ingrained behavior, sometimes people can't help themselves from holding the door. I try to help them. I walk slower, I become more vague in my direction, I turn around even. Sometimes, this doesn't work though, and I'm forced to begrudgingly say "thank you" to the person for gallantly holding the door. Let this be a cry for elevator help. I will not go out of my way to hold a door, nor do I expect you to. Deal?

I'm no fashionista but...

With every new fashion trend, there are infinite possibilities of Faux Pas'. While Fashion has become somewhat democratic with the advent of cool stores like H&M, Zara and Top Shop, it is rare for me to walk in the street -- by street I mean midtown -- and feel that people are "getting it right."

Let's start with the trend itself. Some of them are just plain shit. These are traps you must avoid at all costs. A few come to mind:

• Uggs
• Boots with peep toe
• Slingbacks (I see no point exposing the ugliest part of the foot)
• Boots that are half boot, half sandal
• cropped ballet sweaters (luckily only lasted one season)
• gypsy skirts

To name a few (that I can think of). Yes, these are just fashion's way of getting you to spend your hard earned money on stuff you will hate later. You have to understand that these ugly trends only look good on models because everything looks good on models, that's what they get paid for, to make ugly shit look good. 

And then, there are trends that are really cool that inspire very ugly derivatives at lower costs. Here are a few I've seen people get wrong:

Over the Knee. Gag.

• Skinny jeans or leggings tucked into riding boots. I love this trend, it is my everyday uniform. I hope it never goes away. And yet, I see people around me with the wrong kind of flat boot, the wrong kind of jean tuck and it makes the whole outfit wrong. Take for instance the Robin Hood over the knee boot. It is quite possibly the ugliest thing I've ever seen on a human, and yet people have fallen victim to this unflattering look. You're not going on a fly fishing trip, or stealing from the rich to give to the poor, or Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Give this one up, folks.
• In general, boots that look like they belong in the medieval era are pretty much out for me.
• Regular pants tucked into boots: When fabric protrudes or bunches up at the top of the boot, then it's just plain shit. It looks like the boot is only there for temporary purposes on one's way to work, for instance, before the "real shoes" come on. 
• The engineer ankle boot and the western style ankle boot. I love this look. After many years of jeans tucked into high shaft boots, we needed an alternative, and this offers a good counterpoint. Finally, shoes! And with this shoe, it doesn't matter if pants do all sorts of funky things down at the bottom. But then, people wear boots that are made to look old and weathered. Some people wear boots that have like, pre-fabricated creases in them. This is so wrong and so ugly I can barely deal. And I don't even care about fashion, so if I can't deal, just imagine how other people who care do. 
• And finally, boots that have spikes coming out of the heel. Or spikes anywhere for that matter. I have a phobia of lots of little things bunched up together, some say it's because it reminds me of disease, so I feel a little nauseated when I look at these boots.

Pre Fab Creases

Shudder

And now for some seriousness

1) This documentary about rape in the military

I watched this on my plane ride back from Nevis and experienced "altitude tears," a term I coined a while back to explain my incessant crying during films I watch on planes. It's about the exorbitant number of sexual assault and rape that occurs in the military. Obviously this affects mostly women, but it does actually occur with men as well. In fact, it's a little like prison in that way. The military is a parallel universe where civilian laws do not apply to the individuals serving. But this documentary also makes it out to be an upside down universe, where sexual predators are rewarded and their victims punished. The film explains that the military attracts men who are pre-disposed to being rapists because they know that their actions will go largely unnoticed, under-reported, unpunished. That reminds me of another parallel universe that serves the needs of sexual predators in a very similar way: the Catholic church. Yes, the military is to rapists of women and men what the clergy is to pedophiles, a place to hide and do harm. This is not to denigrate the thousands of men who serve honorably or the priests who do good work, but unfortunately, the fact that these professions attract bad people casts a very dark shadow on what should be two of the more honorable professions we have in the world. 

See the movie and after you do so, visit this website.

2) This movie about a public school substitute teacher

This movie centers around a substitute teacher (Adrian Brody) who is hired for a month long assignment at a Public School somewhere in America-- looks like the Bronx. Since it was directed by Tony Kaye, who is most famous for directing the amazing American History X, it is really quite depressing. So much so that I experienced altitude tears during this film as well. But it's also really good. Even though it seems to borrow a bit from Half Nelson (the Ryan Gossling teacher movie), it's definitely different. Or at least, it's been a while since I've seen Half Nelson and I really liked that movie so it makes sense that I would like this one. And it's depressing because it focuses on teachers who are losing it because the kids they teach are teens who are angry and neglected and/or emotionally abused by their parents and then take it out on their teachers and themselves. Sometimes I wonder why the disaffected have children. What's the point? It's like they want other people to suffer as much as they do so they procreate. Or something. 

3) A throwback to the olden days: Temple of the Dog

I never tire of the album Temple of the Dog ever since it came out in the early 90s. Nowadays, it just feels like an old friend that I listen to every now and then, but back in the grunge era, it was one of the MOST IMPORTANT ALBUMS OF MY LIFE. It was a combo Soundgarden-Pearl Jam project that was produced as a tribute to the late Andy Wood, the lead singer of Mother Love Bone who died of a heroine overdose. His band became Pearl Jam when Eddie Vedder joined, and the rest is history. Chris Cornell was Andy Wood's roommate in Seattle. See how I know this stuff like I just read it yesterday? That knowledge has been in my brain since 1992. 

1) Please Fall, hurry up
I will go on record in saying that this summer sucked. Too hot, too many people, no vacation. I usually like summer a lot: beach, swimming, social life, drinks. Not so this year. In fact, I can't wait for Fall and Winter. In fact, I hope this winter is freezing and snowy and slushy and disgusting. I will be so psyched. This past year we had no winter and a very hot summer; the cold days were few and far between. That's just not the way to go, God. We need to earn our summers, this isn't, like, Southern California. 

2) This Bob Marley Documentary
This documentary is "the definitive, family authorized account of Bob Marley's life." Though hard to imagine that an unauthorized biography would contain anything too controversial (I mean, who doesn't like Bob Marley? Maybe a scorned woman here or there?). They address head on the fact that he had 11 kids with 7 different women. Imagine dealing with the inheritance issues that occurred after his death. Marley didn't believe in estate planning -- in fact putting the words Bob Marley and Estate Planning in the same sentence just feels downright sacrilegious. It actually was a religious Rastafarian thing for him; Rastafaris don't believe in death-- how convenient for them. He probably also didn't want to die and fought it as much as he could. So his family was essentially screwed for a little while, and there were legal battles galore over his estate (this is from post-movie research not the film itself). The night I watched, I was unable to sleep and lay in half slumber with visions of Marley floating around in my head and songs like One Love and Exodus in my ears. His death sealed his legend, but it was untimely and an awful way to go for someone so full of energy and love of life and people. I actually felt emotionally affected by this. I can't help but notice that historically, the best of us always seem to die early and the worst of us live on for an eternity. There really should be a scientific study about that.

3) The only viable politician right now is Hilary Clinton
I'm not psyched that Romney is basically digging himself into a deeper and deeper hole. It pains me, actually, because I would rather have two strong candidates in the race. Instead, Romney is gaffing his way out of the election on stupid remarks, off the cuff or not, and Obama looks like Christ incarnate in comparison. I agree with David Brooks on this:

Personally, I think [Romney's] a kind, decent man who says stupid things because he is pretending to be something he is not — some sort of cartoonish government-hater. But it scarcely matters. He’s running a depressingly inept presidential campaign.

"Depressingly inept" is the key thought here. I want the Republican party of yesterday. Where art they? We cannot live in a nation where only one party is able to talk common sense because that leads to a a steady decline in the quality of debate and dialogue in our country. It brings us all down to a lowest common denominator and makes us stupid, whilst believing we are clever. There's no real advancement taking place because we are stuck in the weeds of debating very basic things. Now, I am pretty disenchanted by our government and the election these days, so one beacon of hope that I am still holding out for is Hilary Clinton who seems to be the most competent politician we have. My vote will go to her in 2016 assuming she runs (and she should). Until then, I will take the path of most New Yorkers and vote on social issues because hells if I know which economic or tax policy is actually going to "create jobs" or be "generally effective."

4) And now, for some good news

Eric Kayser opened a bakery and restaurant two blocks away from my house (upper east side, I'm telling you). Apparently, he has been in business in France for 10 years and has made a killing there. I can understand this because he makes the best bread I've ever eaten in my life. And I've eaten a lot of bread. And good bread, too, because let's not forget the five years I spent in Paris. And let's not forget that New York offers the best French products money can buy. So for me to say that this is the best bread I've ever eaten is a pretty huge, people. Respect, Kayser. 

This Shouts & Murmurs  in the New Yorker is Hilarious

This piece in the New Yorker is so funny because it's so damn true and somehow seems to be flying under the radar of controversy (probably because it's categorized as a "humor" piece). I posted this on facebook the other day and got one "like" and one clandestine share (i.e. I got no credit for the post. This is what I get for being a content aggregator/generator). Either people didn't think it was as funny as I did, didn't read it, or silently agreed. I have plenty of friends with kids and this has nothing to do with them. It does have something to do with how society perceives women who don't have kids though. Basically, they are left out of every single political speech ever. And as someone who doesn't have a kid, I just nod vapidly at Michelle Obama's mom-in-chief statement or Ann Romney or every female politician with a family. I can't relate to half of what they say about women because half of it is about the nobility of being a mother. But I don't want to nod vapidly, I want them to address all women, not just the moms. What about people who can't have children, can't afford fertility treatments and would prefer not to adopt? What about people who choose not to have children for one reason or another? What about the people who don't find the right person to have a child with? I reserve the right to have a kid one day, by the way, but I have to say, it is far more difficult to decide not to have a child than to just have one, because (newsflash) the human species is hard wired to procreate. When you have a kid, you are following along with what pretty much everyone else in the world is doing, but when you decide not to, you are contradicting what we were biologically put on this earth to do and that takes real guts and is just as noble an act (if you think in such terms as "noble").

Oh, just shit.

Hey, this blog is full of introspection and looking back. But remember that successful people don't look back, they only look forward. So... onward to looking backward.

1) In the event of an apocalypse, I will not be one of the post-apocalyptic survivors
Unfortunately, I don't have skills that are connected back to the earth in any way. I don't know how to build a fire, or kill animals, or build shelter or generally survive off the land no matter how many episodes of Mythbusters I watch. In all those post-apocalyptic shows, movies and books, the survivors are bad ass in some way shape or another: they're really strong, they look scary, they're really good with a bow, they just happen to own a lot of weapons, they're doctors (and therefore useful to everyone), they're truly evil. I have none of these skills. 

But if you need to create and produce a 30 second TV spot, I'm your girl.

2) Most of my Facebook Friends are Democrats...
... as evidenced by the RNC bashing and the DNC worshiping that occurred on my wall over the last week. My own perspective is that the DNC's speeches were superior and more sophisticated but that doesn't mean much. I thought Ann Romney did a great job with her speech as well, and Mitt Romney doesn't scare me as much as he does most people for some reason. And I've always actually liked Chris Christie. If I lived in New Jersey, I'd have voted for him. But the people surrounding Mitt do scare the living hell out of me. I think Bill Clinton's speech will go down in history as one of the more candid and clear political speeches. I do believe that the GOP has hijacked the House and Senate, making it impossible to govern, and I think part of the reason is that they just don't like Obama. Period. Whether that be, deep down, racism, or whether they just don't like the guy, it's certainly affecting things negatively. The truth is that we the people will never really know the truth as it occurs, unless we are there in Washington, living the political life for ourselves, there is no way of knowing what is really happening in government. My own belief is that all is corrupt and driven by special interest no matter what party. I like the Democratic party rhetoric the most because to me, it seems to stem from common sense. But I don't vote for party, I vote for people and the truth is, I don't care what party is in the White House, I just want them to do a good job -- I know I've said this before. I wouldn't be psyched if Romney wins and fails for instance (I'm sure some would). Nor do I want Obama to fail. I just want the right person for the job. Maybe that makes me a flip flopper, but I like to keep my options open.

3) You should check out this movie "Keep the Lights On"

A friend of a friend, who I had the pleasure of meeting, plays one of the leading roles in this film (Paul). It's a love story about a gay couple that lasts long and then ends. Check it out. Limited release in NY and LA, because the states in the middle are just not there yet.


4) Please God, let the men's US Open Final be tomorrow
Because I have tickets, and if I can't go tomorrow, I won't be able to go at all. Fuck.

What I've Learned

Now that I'm 34, I feel that I can dispense some wisdom that I have gained in my life that, if all goes normally, is about a third of the way lived. 

1) Real New Yorkers Live Uptown
If you grew up in the city, which I did for the most part, you know that uptown is really where living in Manhattan is at. I can't remember who, but I was talking with someone about the upper east side the other day and he jokingly said that it was "like the suburbs." Yet in my opinion, it has maintained its authenticity over the last few decades, which can't be said of the general downtown area. The upper east side has remained true to its identity, while the downtown neighborhoods have gentrified, keeping a slight veneer of grit as a quaint reminder of yesteryear. It has become much more expensive to live in said slight veneer of grit, while the upper east side is now "a deal." I was born in Manhattan and my first years were spent on MacDougal street when things were still a little shady and mafioso-ish. So... just so you know, I have village cred. But whenever I'm down there now it doesn't feel like a neighborhood to me. It's a lot of fun and I like to go out there in the evening or for brunch (gentrification certainly has its positives, like brunch), but at the end of the day, I just wanna go home, where the people aren't tourists, Central Park is next door, the grocery stores are owned by Eli and there's ample room on the sidewalk. Call me old fashioned. The upper east side is the original gentrified neighborhood, the OG, it has never pretended to be anything else, it's not cool even if it is home to some of Manhattan's best landmarks, that's why I like it and that's why I think it deserves more respect. Then again, if respect drives up the prices, maybe it's better for the folks who don't like to venture "above 14th street" to continue nay-saying. 

2) Paul Simon is a genius
I've always felt that of all genre of songs, love songs are the most difficult to write well. I have never been capable myself. It takes a special kind of sensibility. These are high risk, high reward songs. When written well, they can change your frame of mind completely, when written poorly, they suck more than an average non-love song. I was listening to Kathy's Song by Paul Simon just now and I must give it a shout out as one of the most beautiful love songs ever written. Like, during those 3 minutes, I wanna change my name to Kathy, and I don't even like that name.

My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.

And a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.

And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I.


3) Getting old, I mean really old, sucks

As I see my aging grandmother, who is more independent than most, and old people around my neighborhood, the understanding that becoming old is just a terrible thing has become very palatable to me. Our current civilization completely mishandles old age and death and it's scary to see, because one day, if all goes ok, I too will be old. And it will totally suck. Death itself is not a bad thing, it's the loss of one's faculties and the slow return back into childhood, the dependence on others after living a very independent life that is horrible. 

4) Human beings spend a lot of time on things that don't matter to distract themselves from the things that matter but are harder to solve 
Like "legitimate rape" versus "over-population."

5) Documentaries are the new news, news is the new entertainment, entertainment is the new porn, porn is all sorts of deviant

6) It just feels like our civilization is on steroids
I'm old enough to look back with nostalgia at the time when life was a little slower and the world a little less crowded. Nowadays, it seems everything is going the way of doping athletes: crazy records are getting broken thanks to evolving sport "technologies," competition among regular people trying to get ahead is fiercer, traffic is heavier, air travel more delayed, old people getting older, people knowing where their most distant acquaintances are 24/7. It's effing crazy. I want a time out.

Oodles of Entertainment

1) Yay Facebook!
There are things I've learned on facebook that I just could not have learned anywhere else. For instance, airport acronyms. There are just so many airports out there, who knew? 

LAX --> EWR!
JFK --> SFO!
LGA --> DEN--> ASE (that's Aspen)!
DEN --> CDG --> FRA (that's Frankfurt, not France)!
BOS --> ACK (that's Nantucket)
And my favorite: CDG --> DOH (Qatar, who knew!) --> DXB (Dubai)!

Facebook. Stalk Your Friends, Find Your Airport.

2) Paul Ryan as VP Candidate
I don't know a lot about Paul Ryan. Gawker does a nice job summing up his many faults. But at the end of the day, does it really matter who becomes VP? I mean, is Joe Biden any closer to becoming president in four years? 'Cept if the president dies? What do you know about Joe Biden? Like, nothing? Being VP is the worst job for anyone with ambition. And then you get pegged into that second best role and no one takes you seriously. I mean, it's just the worst. Poor Paul Ryan.

3) Rich Kids of Instagram
A friend of mine told me that this link was circulating around his department at work a few weeks ago. I can see why. Who doesn't want to view photos of kids abusing their parents' wealth? (note: they can never be truly happy). Now, I ain't saying I haven't had some fun at Nikki Beach or hung out on a yacht once or twice, but taking a picture of 10,000 Euro receipt and being proud of the fact that you just got ripped off at a club doesn't strike me as something you'd actually want to like, share with the world. Whenever I overpay for something, I get embarrassed and do my best to cover it up. Like, shh... you know, I paid 2 'cough' hundred dollars for that. Yeah, you heard me, just 2 bucks! I've got ill negotiating skillz y'all. The other thing is, their parents must be so proud.

Vacation, Elusive Vacation

Facebook has succeeded in its goal of making me hate anyone who was on vacation in July and boasted about it (under the guise of just wanting to share! And to keep me updated!). If you were on vacation and posted a picture about it, then I probably viewed it disgruntled and swearing, because I was stuck in New York indoors in the air conditioning, and on occasion, Brighton or Long Beach with thousands of others. Facebook: 1, Diane: 0. I acknowledge that I've posted photos in nice places and I apologize to you, because I didn't realize how annoying that must have been. That said, I will probably continue doing so because Facebook does a nice job editing down my photos and making me pick the best ones that are worth annoyingly sharing. I don't usually feel this way about posters of pictures, but July was a particularly oppressive month. 


Now, If you were doing other things in July like giving birth or going to Rockaway beach, then you're all right with me. 


I recognize that this is all my doing. Could I have planned a vacation for July? Probably. Did I realize that actually, July was the best time for me to plan a vacation? Late, but yes. Do I now find myself in a situation that vacation will be hard for me to take in the coming months due to my schedule? Yes. But take vacation I will, dammit. I will find a way to use those precious few days so generously allocated to me even if it means going to a place because it's convenient. My dream, which came to me late in a bout of inspiration, is to go to New Foundland. Visit Gros Morne national park, hike and boat ride, then go see where the vikings landed at L'Anse aux Meadows and finally stop in at St. Johns, the capital. For reasons that are out of my control, I'm not going. But I will one day, possibly next year, and probably in July.


This is what I'll be missing:

Gros Morne National Park

Gros Morne National Park

St. Johns

L'Aunse aux Meadows

Instead, I am taking a shorter vacation in October on the island of Nevis (recommended by a friend who knows these things). It's a lot shorter than I was hoping, but that's ok. I will make sure to take plenty of mysterious, cool pictures and post them on Facebook so I can share and just keep you updated.

I Gave You Power, I Made You Buck Wild

A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. 

I hadn't given gun control much thought until the shooting in Aurora last week when I  thought to myself, how many loner, shy and awkward boys need to go ape shit on a crowd before gun control becomes a more serious consideration up in this place? 

Guns are not the only problem, of course, American culture, untreated mental illness (health care is expensive after all), education, the decline of real communities, overpopulation are also to blame, but guns seem to be the one thing that are somewhat in our control. Gun advocates always invoke the 2nd amendment any time the topic of gun control comes up, but one can poke a few holes in this argument or at least have serious debate as to the meaning of "the right to bear and keep arms." 

For one, the reason behind the right to bear arms is that a well regulated militia is necessary to the security of the free state. I don't see people with guns rising up in an organized fashion against the tyranny of Federal government these days, do you? The last time that happened was the Civil War and the South had the brilliant Robert E. Lee at their helm; we know how that ended for them. And even if they did "rise up" today, there is no way that they could defeat the Federal Army. The truth is, if we want to avoid the kind of violence we've been seeing in the last 20 years, either all private citizens should be required to carry guns or none should be allowed to. If we all owned and carried guns, then you could apply the traditional political science argument of deterrence oft used when discussing nuclear weapons. That is, If the US has nuclear weapons, then Russia has to have them too in order to deter one another from actually using them. That theory worked best when we were living in the neat and tidy bipolar cold world era, less so these days when rogue groups everywhere are capable of procuring WMDs. But imagine if everyone in the Aurora theater had guns on them, for instance, then James Holmes would only have the element of surprise to his advantage. People in the theater could shoot back, likely causing chaos and possibly more injuries and deaths, but it would have been a fairer fight with other possible outcomes besides helplessness, vulnerability and sheer luck. Or, better yet, if deterrence actually worked, maybe he wouldn't have done it at all. This argument is pretty ludicrous, in case you were wondering.

The flaw in the right to bare arms is that it is just a right, not a legal obligation, so there will always be an imbalance of power among our citizens. But then the problem becomes that if it were a legal obligation, then people would no longer have the freedom to choose whether or not they want to own guns, thus compromising, well, the very freedom we are so proud of. But when it comes to life or death, is there a choice? When one person has a gun and the other doesn't, the person with the gun has the ability to kill the other, whether or not he exercises that power is entirely up to him. That logically means that the right to bear arms has nothing to do with freedom, it is merely a power that certain individuals have over others and creates inequality, which is the opposite of what the Constitution intended. 

Our forefathers weren't perfect, we are allowed to learn from our mistakes, we are allowed to adapt to our time, and with the way modern weaponry, government and community have evolved, it begs a real debate and real solution to updating or abolishing the 2nd amendment. As it stands currently, it seems outdated and mostly applicable to the era of the 18th and 19th centuries. Our leaders have been complete cowards thus far in dealing with this issue. Now that Obama no longer faces the pressure of getting reelected, it is clearly the time to do something. 

And in conclusion, Nas said it best when he wrote the song I Gave You Power. In this song, Nas personifies a reluctant gun. A concept that is both brilliant and brilliantly executed. It's one of the best songs on the album "It Was Written."

I seen some cold nights and bloody days
They grab and me bullets spray
They use me wrong so I sing this song 'til this day
My body is cold steel for real
I was made to kill, that's why they keep me concealed
Under car seats they sneak me in clubs
Been in the hands of mad thugs
They feed me when they load me with mad slugs
Seventeen precisely, one in my head
They call me Desert Eagle, semi-auto with lead
I'm seven inches four pounds, been through so many towns
Ohio to Little Rock to Canarsie, livin harshly
Beat up and battered, they pull me out
I watch as niggaz scattered, makin me kill
But what I feel it never mattered
When I'm empty I'm quiet, findin myself fiendin to be fired
A broken safety, niggaz place me in shelves
under beds, so I beg for my next owner to be a thoroughbred
Keep me full up with hollow heads

Chorus:
How you like me now? I go blow
It's that shit that moves crowds makin every ghetto foul
I might have took your first child
Scarred your life, crippled your style
I gave you power
I made you buck wild