I make fun of everything in my head

This is neither constructive nor productive and might require therapy, except that I make myself laugh every day regardless of whether it's funny, which is pretty therapeutic. Let's just call it a coping mechanism I use against our cruel world. 

Here are some things I've thought deeply about recently. 

1) Inspirational quotes photoshopped on pictures of sunsets.

"The stupid man walks alone, the wise man stands with others." Share if you have faith in people. (Don't share if you don't). 

I didn't share = I hate people.

2) Those mustache on a stick photos. Don't people think about the germs on those things? I'm not even obsessed with germs and it grosses me out. 

 3) In my opinion, there are two kinds of people in the world, those who go to Burning Man and those who don't. I recently mentioned to a friend who goes that it wasn't really my thing, and he was like, how do you know it's not your thing? You've never been. It's whatever you want to make of it (how Burning Man of him). So, to be fair, I will explain why I feel this way visually: 

 


4) The Harlem Shake: I will never get rich because there is no way I could have ever predicted that something like the Harlem Shake would have become a viral hit. How depressing.

5) Central Park cyclists yell at me systematically for almost killing me during a Sunday walk. Yes, I get yelled at for almost dying. Apparently, I'm interrupting the Tour de France every time I try to cross the street. 

6) I've been seeing a lot of articles, quotes and posts lately attempting to absolve parents, and mostly mothers, from intense guilt when it comes to raising their children imperfectly, whatever that means. I think that's cool since, I mean, up until like 60 years ago, people didn't pay that much attention to their kids. Then we became the society in which the Kid is King. With that said, my big pet issue is absolving regular people from the guilt of not being extraordinary. The film "Hilary and Jackie" comes to mind here, specifically, a quote that has stayed with me since 1998: If you think being an ordinary person is any easier than being an extraordinary one, you're wrong. A-fucking-Men to that.

7) Honor is so totally overrated. 

8) There's all sorts of privilege floating around in the world; there's white privilege, male privilege, beauty privilege, wealth privilege, blonde privilege, intelligence privilege, developed nation privilege, pregnant privilege. Basically, if you don't fall within those privilege pods, you're fucked. 

9) I constantly need to remind myself that finishing season 3 of Breaking Bad or watching a House of Cards marathon is not, in and of itself, an accomplishment.

10) The other day, I realized that the best thing you could do for your kids' careers is to raise them in England, get them some English accents, and watch them soar up the corporate American ladder. The weather may suck, but you'll thank me in 20 years.

11) Why are "small businesses" always represented in commercials and films by women who own cupcake shops? You'd think that every woman's dream is to own a cupcake shop and every man's dream is to write children's books. My dream is to own a small multinational cyber-security firm.

12) I saw this commercial for L'Oreal "Miracle Blur" the other night: Erase the look of lines, pores, wrinkles. I have a way better, more convincing tagline > Miracle Blur. Erase Your Face. Because you're worth it.