Tuesday, July 1, 2014

So here we go... like a sales force into the night

Some of my most recent observations. Feel free to read them.


1.  
A friend of mine once remarked that girls who post pictures of themselves at Machu Picchu on Tinder were automatically swipe left material. Why? Because there are so damn many of them. So why don't we just give Machu Picchu its own honorary online dating profile. 

Age: 654 years old

Self Summary: Royal retreat, sacred landscape, sanctuary, devoted to the Virgins of the Sun.

What are you doing with your life: I help tourists and online daters from around the world take pictures of eachother on my grounds so they can impress other online daters with their adventurous travel spirit. 

Favorite books, movies, TV shows: 
Movies: Huge fan of Aguirre Wrath of God and Apocalypto.
Books: Enjoyed The Last Days of the Incas
TV Shows: Arrested Development, 30 Rock, The Wire and Breaking Bad. 

The Most Private Thing You're Willing to Admit Here: No one knows why I was built, and I'm not going to tell them! Mwaahahahah.

First thing people notice about you:
Who answers these things? I don't know... My perfect architectural design?

What you're looking for:
Women, men and lamas for new friends, short term dating, long term dating. 

You should message me if:
You need help with your online dating profile.


2. 
LCD Soundsystem's "All My Friends" is this generation's answer to Baba O' Reilly-- once you're done listening to it, there's literally nothing else you can listen to at that moment that will make you feel quite the same way.

3. 
We need to think of another way in film to convey the monotony of modern day living besides the morning tooth brushing-bathroom scene.  

4.
What does it say about us that we need "Humans of New York" to make us feel human?

5. 
Heartburn is such a guy issue. It's like having an enlarged prostate. Women don't know how it feels. That said, I'm jealous of guys' ability to drink more and suffer less the next day. In that sense I'd take heartburn over hangover any day. One Tums and you're done.

6.
Sometimes I'm amazed that I manage to get from one place to another in New York City. It seems so impossible. I imagine it's a bit like giving birth; you don't quite know how you did it, but all of sudden 'pouf' you made it to the other side.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Word up

It's that time of the year again when I feel the need to write anything that's gone through the washing machine of my mind.


Feb 21
There is a cosmic joke and you find enlightenment when you get it. 
- Oscar Isaacs

Will I ever get the cosmic joke?
- Diane

Feb 24, 2014
Facebook is like a conveyor belt of Priceless commercials. It spits out special life moments like a Ford factory spits out engines.

Feb 25, 2014
I'm down with OPP: Other People's Pictures.

Feb 26, 2014
Any time a problem seems insurmountable, break it up into smaller pieces.

My brother told me this once when I was on the verge of having a panic attack. Who am I kidding, I have not yet been close to having a panic attack.

March 8
I need an app that literally allows me to buy time, like with a credit card.

March 9
Is a credit card technically a tool that allows you to buy time?

March 9
When you come to the end of your rope, make a knot and hang on.
(a saying I saw in a painting).

March 10
Wisdom is usually attached to some form of resignation.

April 25
Whenever someone says "come on! what's the worst that can happen?" you should know that Death is almost always the correct answer to that question.

April 28
The game of no game is my game.

May 1
Ann Richards is my hero.

Said tearfully after watching a doc about her. Seen the play, watched the doc. Joined the fan club.

May 10
In my next life, I'd like to come back as Greta Gerwig.

May 11
Do you really fucking love science? Or do you just want people to believe you fucking love science? 

May 13
It's as if all of sudden my 20s finally decided to show up. Or maybe I'm having an early mid-life crisis. 

May 15
The three rules of fascism: Make shit up, shout it out loud, and kill people.
- Eddie Izzard