1) The expression "Is it bad that I..."
Is it bad that I dislike the expression is it bad? It's overused on Facebook and has lost all comedic value. No, it's probably not bad that you watch the Bachelorette. No, it's probably not bad that you think Snooki is cool. No it's probably not bad that you like that dumb-ass Taylor Swift song. What's bad is that you think it's bad. Otherwise, no. No one gives a shit that you like Taylor Swift. This I guarantee. If you say, is it bad that I murdered my parents? Then yes, that is bad. This is where I draw the line.
2) People Who Call Themselves Geeks
When you say something like I'm such a geek what you're really saying is I'm really fucking brilliant. People overuse the word Geek to describe themselves in fake self-deprecation, usually after they admit to loving civil war reenactments or studying the tax code just for fun. Of course, after you learn this fact about them, you're supposed to say wow that's so cool and different! But maybe just once I'll say, yup, you're a total tool.
3) People who think Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp and Leo DiCaprio are "great actors."
4) People on the subway who insist on sitting in the non-existent seat next to me.
5) As requested by my brother, the expression AWKWARD!
This is another overused expression that has left the comedy vernacular and turned the lights off on its way out. Awkward is used by very boring people who claim to be normal when someone they're with does something a bit out of the ordinary. As we all know, "normal people" don't exist so those who use the expression Awkward! are usually insecure and conformist and can't deal with originality.
6) As requested by my brother, the expression REALLY??
Romantic comedies often employ this expression to signify the last in a string of unfortunate events that happens to the main character, usually over the course of the day. Say our heroine gets fired from her job in the morning, spills coffee on her brand new dress, then, a New York cabbie splashes a rain puddle on said dress on her way home, only to get home and find her boyfriend in bed with another woman. REALLY?? Really, God, this too? And once, it might have been funny. But it is no longer funny because too many unfunny people use it stupidly and for things that really don't require a REALLY??
7) I don't know about you, but I get really annoyed when men on the street order me to smile.
It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but when one of those "talking on the street" types call out at me to "smile honey!" I feel something of an internal rage bubbling up inside. For one thing, who gives you the right, Mr. Stranger, to order me to smile? This is a free country thank god, and I am free not to smile. Also, who smiles while walking down the street? Why is it so unusual that out of the thousands of people walking around me, who are not smiling by the way, that I too am not smiling? It's as if I'm a child and this man is some authority figure with power over me. I swear this isn't meant to be a feminist rant, I'm sure this is all very innocent and friendly, I'm just calling it as I feel it and it irks me to no end. And to add to this, I resent the fact that I feel the need to placate crazy people in the street and act nice because I don't want to get raped and killed by some waco who told me to smile.
8) All the hoopla about photos of mothers breastfeeding.
God, is this a thing now?
And in conclusion, here is a family picture taken in Toronto with my grandmother and step-grandfather, dad, brother, sister and me. Guess which one I am.
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