You have forced me to dissect Seth McFarlane's Boob Song. Just great.

I don't mean to harp on the Oscars, but the good celebrities and journalists of the world have not really let me forget them. And most of all, they have tried to convince me that Seth McFarlane's "boob song" is not only sexist, but catapulting us back to Mad Men era of female mistreatment in the workplace, no, worse, 1950s suburbia, no wait, worse, 19th century corset-wearing oppression.

Most recently, Jamie Lee Curtis wrote a little post expressing her outrage. Let me just say plain and simple, the boob song was not offensive. It wasn't that funny, but it certainly wasn't offensive. I guess I should caveat that by saying that "in my opinion" it wasn't offensive. Whatever, it wasn't offensive, period. At some point in your life, you just have to call it as you see it. When it's offensive, I will say so. 

There is so much wrong with Jamie Lee Curtis' little diddee that I don't really know where to begin. She offends my intelligence. But let's just go with this:

1) You claim to have been personally the butt of many a cruel Seth McFarlane joke (I don't know him well enough to confirm that), and this is what made you decide to fall on your sword? Ah, I see, it's in defense of the Academy that you're doing it, for ALL the women out there, huh? Look it's not about you, of course, we totally get it, it's for the people.

2) You are sorry that this song is what we are talking about and not the awesome Argo or lovely Jennifer Lawrence (Where have you been? They're everywhere). So who do you think is to blame for that? Could it be you for writing a post and stirring up more drama about this damn song over a week after the show? Nah.

3) You dreamed a dream. I don't understand why this concluded your article. We all know men were never kind, nor have they ever had soft voices (that's why it's called I Dreamed a Dream, get it?). What's the point of this? That this song has ruined your life? That you wish the world was a kinder place? You're rich and famous and had rich and famous parents. The world has been better to you than 99.9999% of the world's population.

If ever there was a problem with McFarlane's song it's that it was meant to be a humorous song in the first place. That stems directly from American puritanism, which is accepted as the norm here. Take a country like say, France, where the song would probably be met with some indifference. After all, boobs are very common place there. Don't get me wrong, they are considered sexualized anatomy over there too, but there doesn't seem to be as much hypocrisy when it comes to sex and the female form. Also, as mentioned, boobs are everywhere in France. There isn't one deodorant commercial that doesn't show a woman's boobs (well, what, they happen to be really close to a woman's armpits). There isn't one beach where many of the women don't go bare-breasted (not that I really need to see saggy boobs everywhere, but hey, it's a cultural thing). So the French would probably react to the song with a so what? Why is this a thing? I totally don't get it. In my opinion, McFarlane is poking fun at male childishness with respect to the female body, an immaturity that goes way beyond puberty here in the US. The reason likely being that sex and the (female) naked body, while pretty much everywhere and blown out of proportion both literally and figuratively (thanks, media and porn industry), are still totally taboo to discuss as natural, normal aspects of human life.

I don't understand why this song has been denounced as sexist, by respected media outlets, no less. Did he make Men look good by singing it? No. He made them look pretty dumb. Did he criticize women for baring their breasts? No. I honestly don't think so. Could he be pointing a finger at the bigger American societal sex paradox that we live in? It's a possibility. The fact that everyone was so up in arms about it is actually a bigger problem than anything else. It's hard not to notice the hypocrisy in this indignation. And even if he hadn't thought of any of those deeper meanings, I still wouldn't have found the song offensive, just a little idiotic. (For the record, I maintain that Billy Crystal is an awesome awards host, as stated in a previous blog post.)

For your reading enjoyment, here are some other people that feigned offense by the song and McFarlane's act. That's another thing, McFarlane is an equal opportunity "offender." 

The lovely Jane Fonda everybody!

Amy Davidson from The New Yorker!

Margaret Lyons! Come on down!

Because only you, oh wise intellectuals, barometers of our culture, understanders of satire, could have made Seth McFarlane's Oscar skit matter more than it really should have.