I wrote the following blog post on April 5, 2004. I thought it was a pretty funny blast from the past so I'm posting it here.
My Ear Piercing Experience
This weekend, my mom and I ventured to St. Marks Place to get our ears pierced. We had never gotten them pierced before due mostly to a certain social code that labeled pierced ears as "tacky" (ie. the French bourgeoisie to which I owe part of my upbringing- thank you French bourgeoisie, very much). The dilemma was that we like earings, clip-ons hurt and there is a much wider selection of earings for pierced ears in jewlery stores. All this led to the natural conclusion that our ears, pierced they must be.
Before St. Marks, I must preface that I had been on a qwest over the last couple of weeks to find a clean place to do this, but to no avail. Doctors, Bloomingdales, random jewlery stores, all laughed in my face. Aren't these the places people used to get this done? What happened? Where do people go now? How can most women in Manhattan have their ears pierced if there are no mainstream places to do so? Where have I been? Do they all go to the east village? Does that mean the Gigi Mortimers and Muffie Potters of the world set foot below 14th street? This mystery will remain unanswered, except perhaps in Dyanetics.
So anyway, we ventured down to St. Marks place because really, the east village is completely gentrified anyway, St. Marks is just trying to maintain the illusion of what it used to be--a neighborhood for junkies, runaways and Sid Vicious. On our way there, our only topic of conversation was about ears. Who do we know has pierced ears? Is it really tacky? no, it's not, the French are just really stiff. My friend S has hers pierced and she has her shit together. Yeah, but my friend P doesn't and so does she. Well, my mom's friend S has hers pierced and she is an ex French model married to a successful business man and she has her shit together. My friend K has had hers pierced since she was six, yeah but she is 100% American, yeah but she too has her shit together. All of sudden, the streets of New York became one giant walking ear lobe. We scrutinized every pair of ears on the street: "oh, those look good. Hmm, hers closed up but you can still see the mark. Oh look, she doesn't have them pierced, that's rare here". We analyzed every aspect of the pierced ear until we built a legitimate case in favor of the procedure based on the conclusion that having one's ears pierced is synonymous with having one's shit together.
So anyway, we ventured down to St. Marks place because really, the east village is completely gentrified anyway, St. Marks is just trying to maintain the illusion of what it used to be--a neighborhood for junkies, runaways and Sid Vicious. On our way there, our only topic of conversation was about ears. Who do we know has pierced ears? Is it really tacky? no, it's not, the French are just really stiff. My friend S has hers pierced and she has her shit together. Yeah, but my friend P doesn't and so does she. Well, my mom's friend S has hers pierced and she is an ex French model married to a successful business man and she has her shit together. My friend K has had hers pierced since she was six, yeah but she is 100% American, yeah but she too has her shit together. All of sudden, the streets of New York became one giant walking ear lobe. We scrutinized every pair of ears on the street: "oh, those look good. Hmm, hers closed up but you can still see the mark. Oh look, she doesn't have them pierced, that's rare here". We analyzed every aspect of the pierced ear until we built a legitimate case in favor of the procedure based on the conclusion that having one's ears pierced is synonymous with having one's shit together.
We walked into the first place we found, a friendly looking place called Andromeda. There sat a man with the scarriest tatoos and piercings I had ever seen live; he literally had a bull's horn going through his nose and two gaping square shaped holes in his lobes. This was oddly comforting; he was clearly a man who knew what he was doing, respected by his peers in the piercing field, and, we later found out, probably the only body piercer in NY with a health board certificate (ok-fine from Suffolk county, details).
After asking many questions such as, will it hurt? will it get infected? What kind of ring do you put in there? When can I wear chandelier earings? The kind that Nicole Kidman wore at the Godess party at the Met? Would you say a plethora of people visit your establishment? Yes? Do you know what "plethora" means? Yes? Give me a definition. Thanks. I went for it. The more the piercer talked, the more he convinced me that not only should I do it, but that I had found the best person in all New York State to do it. Afterall, he was a descendent of the Native Americans and the Maoris of New Zealand, two tribal cultures that body pierced like it was their job (incidentally, it was his).
It took about two minutes and didn't hurt at all and then it was my mom's turn. She started to chicken out, said she would do it another time etc, she would "come back". I finally convinced her to just do it. She was like "are you sure it doesn't hurt?" and I was all "dude, you had three kids in pre-epidural times, it doesn't hurt".
As I said goodbye to my new friends from Andromeda, "Closer To the Heart" by Rush took over the radio airwaves with the best opening lyric ever: "And the men who hold high places/Must be the ones to start/To mould a new reality/Closer to the heart". 70s rock in a body-piercing parlor; my experience was complete.
Friends, take note, my ears are now pierced, you can add "earings" to your Diane gift list. My birthday is in January, my half birthday is in June, Passover is tomorrow, Easter is coming up, Memorial Day is in May, Independence Day is in July. You know the drill.
After asking many questions such as, will it hurt? will it get infected? What kind of ring do you put in there? When can I wear chandelier earings? The kind that Nicole Kidman wore at the Godess party at the Met? Would you say a plethora of people visit your establishment? Yes? Do you know what "plethora" means? Yes? Give me a definition. Thanks. I went for it. The more the piercer talked, the more he convinced me that not only should I do it, but that I had found the best person in all New York State to do it. Afterall, he was a descendent of the Native Americans and the Maoris of New Zealand, two tribal cultures that body pierced like it was their job (incidentally, it was his).
It took about two minutes and didn't hurt at all and then it was my mom's turn. She started to chicken out, said she would do it another time etc, she would "come back". I finally convinced her to just do it. She was like "are you sure it doesn't hurt?" and I was all "dude, you had three kids in pre-epidural times, it doesn't hurt".
As I said goodbye to my new friends from Andromeda, "Closer To the Heart" by Rush took over the radio airwaves with the best opening lyric ever: "And the men who hold high places/Must be the ones to start/To mould a new reality/Closer to the heart". 70s rock in a body-piercing parlor; my experience was complete.
Friends, take note, my ears are now pierced, you can add "earings" to your Diane gift list. My birthday is in January, my half birthday is in June, Passover is tomorrow, Easter is coming up, Memorial Day is in May, Independence Day is in July. You know the drill.
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